


Alphys Höek

by xandermartin98



Category: The Ren & Stimpy Show, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Adorable, Adorkable, Attempted Murder, Bestiality, Crazy, Dementia, Fanfiction, Foot Fetish, Funny, Glasses, Humor, Insanity, Licking, Lizards, Multi, Mutilation, Nerdiness, Parody, Satire, Urination, Vandalism, Video & Computer Games, Vore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 04:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6596851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xandermartin98/pseuds/xandermartin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the crazy-ass world of Undertale headcanons, Alphys goes completely freaking shitting-bats insane and develops a personality nearly identical to that of Ren Höek from The Ren & Stimpy Show...</p><p>making her a perfect match for the lead casting role of Mettaton's brand-new start-up TV series, The Undertale Show, which is a blatantly obvious parody of said show. Things only get even better from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

A few weeks after the events of Undertale, all of the monsters were now living in New York City and had their own houses (yes, those still existed in New York City) in which they lived together in pairs that matched their romantic interests...well, most of them, at least.

Sans lived with Grillby, Undyne lived with Papyrus, Frisk lived with Monster Kid, Asgore lived with Toriel, and Alphys...well, Alphys lived with Mettaton.

To make a long story short...despite how much he could clearly hear Alphys begging and pleading to be with her beloved girlfriend Undyne, Mettaton simply refused, forcing her to live with him mainly for the sake of boosting his own already comically overinflated ego.

It was a cold, rainy morning in Alphys' apartment, and of course, there she was sitting on the couch with her laptop, surfing the Internet restlessly in her Mew Mew Kissy Cutie pajamas.

"Sigh...another day, another FREAKING blog post series on Tumblr about Mettaton...and STILL nothing of importance about ME, his freaking CREATOR...just the typical mindless drooling over how fricking CUTE I am." Alphys shrugged, hanging her head in disappointment as she flipped through page after page after page of fanarts and animated music videos starring Mettaton.

"And who's to say that MY fanbase doesn't do the exact same bullcrap regarding ME, dearie?" Mettaton (EX) teased her, plopping himself onto the couch and sitting right next to her. 

"Well, I mean...at least when people portray YOU in such a way, there's actually MEANING behind it!" Alphys shrugged, leaning her head on one of her hands in boredom and sadness.

"HA! Meaning schmeaning! Tell me; when was the last time you saw someone make something about ME that could actually be considered truly DEEP and MEANINGFUL?" Mettaton laughed, patting Alphys on the back affectionately.

"Uh...since they Photoshopped your face onto David Bowie, I suppose?" Alphys laughed nervously, scratching her head in confusion.

"Uh-huh." Mettaton snickered, handing Alphys a pen.

"HUH? W-what do you want me to do with THIS?!" Alphys asked him nervously, fidgeting and sweating out of an immensely justified fear that this was going to be yet another contract deal.

"I want you to sign this PAPERWORK, dearie!" Mettaton chuckled, shoving an excessively huge stack of paperwork into her face and setting a two-minute timer for her to finish signing it.

TWO MINUTES LATER...

"Time's up, darling!" Mettaton laughed as his internal clock's alarm went off right as Alphys was finishing the very last letter of the very last writing of her name.

"UGGGH...what is all of this crap even for in the first place, again?" Alphys sighed, handing the stack of papers back to Mettaton.

"Why, what else could it be, darling? It's a membership form for my worldwide MTT fanclub!" Mettaton laughed, giving Alphys a nice big kiss on the cheek.

"WHAT?!" Alphys shrieked, wiping the oil off of her face.

"Oh, but of course, it's not just ANY type of membership form! Only the best for YOU, darling! Why, I dare say you even get to be PRESIDENT now, sweetums!" Mettaton laughed.

"WOW...PRESSSIDENNNT..." Alphys gasped with excitement, imagining herself as the President Of The United States, receiving a phone call in which someone told her that Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 was a better movie than Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 1.

"What do you MEAN, you don't agree with me?! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH?!" Alphys yelled at the top of her lungs over the phone, slamming the big red button on her desk as hard as she was capable of with her fist.

"That was easy." the button said flatly as the naysayer's mobile home literally got bombed by an airplane and exploded into fat, sweaty weeaboo smithereens as a result.

"HA HA HA! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! OHH-HO-HO-HOHH! HUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAH!" Alphys laughed maniacally.

"Alphys, for crying out loud, SNAP out of it!" Mettaton yelled to get her attention, slapping her back to her senses and waking her up from her brief yet incredibly lucid daydream.

"Whaddayhowa?" Alphys slurred dizzily, shaking her head back into focus.

"Alphys, you silly goose!" Mettaton laughed heartily, clutching his chest and wiping the joyful tears from his eyes. "When I said President, I didn't mean as in literally President of the United States! I meant as in President of my wonderful FANCLUB!" 

"WHAT?! OH, NO!" Alphys gasped, covering her mouth with her hands in terror at the thought of how many email messages and phone calls she was going to get bombarded with.

"OH, YES, DARLING! OHHHHHHHH, YESSSSSSSS!" Mettaton laughed, slapping Alphys on the back and heading out the front door to attend his television show.

"Oh, and also, one more tiny little thing, darling; if you so desire, I can even give you your own short but sweet mini-series of short films starring yours truly...YOU!" Mettaton chuckled as he opened the front door and just stood there, letting all the warm air out.

"How about NO, you crazy handsome bastard?" Alphys snapped frustratedly at him.

"If you don't accept this wonderful offer right now, then I won't let you share a room with UNDYNE!" Mettaton teased her, walking over to her and flicking her nose. "BOOP!"

"UGGGH...FINE." Alphys groaned, rolling her eyes but knowing at heart that if the reward was for her to be with Undyne again, then she pretty much had no other choice.

"TOODLES, DARLING!" Mettaton laughed merrily as he walked out the door and closed it fabulously, leaving Alphys cold and alone...and bothered.

ONE UNDYNE GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH LATER...

"Ahh...I feel at least half a cup lighter now!" Alphys moaned with delight as she was suddenly bombarded with an endless stream of disjointed messages from who-knows-how-many different people on her Gmail account, including but not limited to:

"I freaking HATE you, Alphys! You're the most evil character in the entire game and you deserve to burn in hell forever and ever for the absolutely horrific things you've done!"

"Undertale sucks my left ball, Cave Story sucks my right! Fuck all of these stupid fucking overrated pretentious hipster-trash indie games to DIE!"

"I want Alphys to breastfeed Snowdrake's mother"

"I want Mettaton to give me a thighjob, but I'm afraid that the results would be rather CRUSHING, if you catch my drift."

"I'm gay now thanks to Mettaton and I'd still fuck Alphys. I also wanna worship her tail and feet"

Alphys blushed deeply and continued reading through the millions upon millions of comments as she ironically began to wonder why the Undertale fanbase was so madly in love with her.

"TORIEL'S LEFT LEG"

"Man, if Alphys secretly snuck down into the True Lab at night and engaged in bestial interspecies sexual intercourse with the Amalgamates, would that be fucked up or what?"

At around this point, Alphys' eyes began to twitch; luckily, there were only about another fifteen million fan comments to go, so clearly she wasn't about to completely lose her mind. (She was.)

"If you don't turn off Google Notifications, you're gonna have a bad time."

"I want to rub my cock inbetween Undyne's webbed toes and suck on them."

"I want Alphys to stick an inflation pump into her mouth and make herself even fatter MMM"

"I want to fuck the lemon that was used to make Lemon Bread"

"Lizard waifu so hot, hot hot lizard waifu, lizard waifu so hot you lay an egg...AND EAT IT"

"I want Undyne to fucking IMPALE me with her glorious SPEAR!"

"There's a Mettaton-shaped piercing in my Mettaton-shaped Metta-TONGUE!"

"Alphys, I want to see you in stocks with your gorgeous feet being lovingly worshipped by either Endogeny or preferably Undyne...or better yet, how about BOTH of them at the same time?!"

"I want Undyne to melt herself together with Alphys and have some sticky gooey FUN!"

"I want Napstablook to build himself a robot body so that he can amalgamate himself together with Mettaton and then passionately fornicate with him in their grotesquely sexy new form!"

At about midnight, after reading that exact message, Alphys finally lost it, throwing her nigh-indestructible laptop across the room and collapsing onto the floor in a fit of rage.

"FUCKITY DOODLE DOO! NOTHING SICK AND NASTY ABOUT UNDERTALE, NO SIREE, LA LA LA LA LA LAA LAA!" Alphys rambled dementedly as she curled into a ball and began hyperactively writhing around on the floor like a tortured animal as she cried herself to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

"Ow...my poor, poor HEAD..." Alphys moaned in pain as she finally woke up from her slumber the next morning, sitting up and clutching the side of her head with her hand. "Where AM I ?"

"Mettaton's fabulous STUDIO, dearie!" Mettaton laughed, pulling her up onto her feet. "All of your delightful FRIENDS are here too, just in case we may end up running short on actors!"

"Umm...aren't we all basically going to be acting as ourselves anyway?" Alphys shrugged.

"Well...yes, but that just makes this even BETTER!" Mettaton crooned with twinkly eyes as Alphys proceeded to systematically greet Sans, Papyrus, Frisk, Mettaton, Undyne, Toriel, and Asgore...in that EXACT order, of course.

ONE MONTH LATER...

Tons of people were gathering from all around town to watch the first pilot episode of Mettaton's new comedy series, which had been named "The Undertale Show" by Asgore.

On a semi-related side note, the show was also a blatant parody of Ren & Stimpy, but the show's target audience would watch literally ANYTHING with Undertale characters in it.

"Greetings, everyone!" Mettaton greeted everyone over the intercom at the local MTT Theatre. "It looks like it's time for the first of our four brand-spanking-new comedic shorts, which will very likely grow into a full-scale animated sitcom series sooner than you think, to begin!"

"Over the course of this series' pilot episodes, you may find yourself learning just a LITTLE bit more about your beloved Undertale characters' true selves, most ESPECIALLY Alphys', than you're probably comfortable with. We dutily apologize for this in advance!" Mettaton explained.

"Enjoy the totally-not-CGI-enhanced SHOW, darlings! And remember: a viewer that leaves his or her worthless TRASH scattered all over my beautiful floors will be SWIFTLY euthanized! Alright, that's all for now, folks! TOODLES!" Mettaton laughed as the show began.

EPISODE 1: CHARA'S BEST FRIEND

"Undyne, we need a job BADLY." Alphys sighed, clutching the sides of her head and sitting next to Undyne on the edge of the hood of a car wreck in one of the many dark, cold alleyways of New York City as both of their legs dangled off the edge of the car dejectedly.

"I agree! I mean, seriously, just LOOK at the way our puny little legs dangle in the wind! It's absolutely PATHETIC and unacceptable and I will NOT stand for it!" Undyne yelled valiantly, leaping down onto the ground and falling flat on her face due to how weak her legs were.

"You can say THAT again!" Alphys laughed as a mysterious boy suddenly approached them.

"OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY-" Alphys and Undyne screamed, covering their mouths and pressing their bodies against the wall of the alleyway in terror at the sight of him.

"Greetings. I am Chara." the boy introduced himself with a very suspicious-looking bow, drawing out a knife. "Would you mind if I were to keep you two as my darling PETS?"

"Uhh..." Alphys and Undyne stammered, darting their eyes back and forth.

"SAY. YES." Chara warned them, drawing out his bloody, glistening knife.

"OKAY, OKAY, JESUS CHRIST!" Alphys and Undyne reluctantly obeyed him, following him into his surprisingly beautiful house, which (of course) was naturally decorated with corpses.

"My, my, what a nice PLACE you have! I wish my old LAB was this nice!" Alphys complimented him, shaking his hand in an attempt to butter him up as they went down into the basement.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT." Chara growled, squeezing her hand so hard that it actually caused her to cry tears of pain as her fingerbones were briefly crushed together.

"My, my, what sharp TEETH you have! Just like me! HA HA!" Undyne laughed merrily.

"The better to BITE YOUR FUCKING FLESH OFF with, my dear!" Chara laughed, throwing Alphys and Undyne into a cage together and waltzing off to his living room to watch TV.

"WHAT IN THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW, ALPHYS?!" Undyne screamed, banging the metal rods of the locked cage with her fists...but even with her strength, it was useless.

"Obviously, let's roleplay!" Alphys giggled as the two of them proceeded to be total dorks together in the most ironically adorable fashion possible under the given circumstances.

"Oh, MEOW I love MEW so much, Rover! I just...I just want to rub your delicious ruPURR nipples all over my MEWtiful kitty face right MEOW!" Alphys moaned with awkwardly misplaced excitement, fantasizing about being the girlfriend of her all-time favorite anime boy.

"NOW WOW, we mustn't let ARF BARK-inducingly passionate love for each otheRRR get too RUFF, my oh-so-precious DARFling! We still need to find the seven magical crystals, Selina!" Undyne replied in an ear-gratingly cheesy tone as the two of them began french-kissing.

"OH MY DOG, THIS IS SO PURRFECT, I CAN'T EVEN TAKE IT ANYMEOW! HOLD ME, ROVER, HOLD ME IN YOUR LOVING ARMS AND SHOW ME THAT SHINY RED ROCKET OF YOURS!" Alphys moaned in ecstasy as her brain went into total Weeaboogasm Overdrive mode.

"Well, I'll say, you ARF definitely the pussy-cat I've been seaRRRching for at the local Kittopolis BARK!" Undyne snickered like a dog as Chara suddenly walked in on them.

"Uhh...we c-can explain..." Alphys and Undyne stammered humiliatedly, blushing up a storm and laughing awkwardly as they fidgeted about nervously in their cage.

"Good news, pets; my house has YouTube-linked security cameras in it!" Chara laughed.

"Your house WHAT?!" Alphys and Undyne screamed, hugging each other in terror.

"Yup, that's right; I just uploaded that entire humiliating CHARADE of yours onto the Internet and there's NOTHING that you can do about it!" Chara laughed, pulling out his iPhone and watching the view count on his latest Undertale shitpost skyrocket like hotcakes.

"1,000...2,000...5,000...10,000..." Chara laughed as Alphys and Undyne clung at the bars of their cage furiously, foaming at the mouth rabidly with anger.

"Hmm...you want me to let you out? FINE! Come on, let's take a nice relaxing WALK!" Chara cackled grimly, pulling out his knife yet again and using his psychic powers to unlock the cage.

"I'll show you a nice relaxing fucking WALK!" Undyne screamed at him, lunging straight at him...only to be immediately shredded into dusty pieces by his absurdly sharp knife!

"Why, you...YOU...YOU DISEASE!" Alphys roared like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, charging across the room and grabbing a nail bat out of Chara's toybox with a downright maniacal look on her face.

"Oh, BOO FUCKING HOO, you have a goddamned NAIL BAT! You, with your PUNY little fucking T-Rex arms! Oh, I'm so fucking SCARED! OH, HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FUCKING FALLEN, AM I RIGHT?!" Chara laughed arrogantly as steam shot out from Alphys' blaring nostrils.

"CORRECTAMUNDO, MOTHERFUCKER!" Alphys laughed as she swung the bat right into Chara's stomach with all her might, sending him flying halfway across the room.

"UWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Alphys laughed dementedly as she lunged straight at him at hit him square in the face with yet another full-force swing, knocking five of his teeth out, crushing his nose into his brain, and knocking him the other half of the way across the room.

"Please...have...MERCY..." Chara collapsed onto his hands and knees and begged like a dog, coughing up blood and weeping in agony.

"YOU PICKED THE WRONG FUCKING NERD TO UNDERESTIMATE, BITCH!" Alphys yelled valiantly at him, lifting her bat up skyward and preparing for the grand slam of the century.

"DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE!" Alphys screamed furiously with each swing as she brutally smashed Chara's face into the ground with her bat until there was almost literally nothing left of it.

"AHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAH!" Alphys laughed maniacally as she stood on the remains of Chara's body and held her bat skyward in a beautifully prideful victory pose.

EPISODE 1 END


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

"So, how was it?" Mettaton asked.

"WOOOOOO!!!" the crowd, which was comprised mainly of testosterone-loaded teenage boys, cheered in honor of the amazingly disturbing scene that they had just witnessed.

"Good to hear, folks! More where THAT one came from...coming right up!" Mettaton cheered as Episode 2 began.

EPISODE 2: SVEN NAPSTABLOOK

One bright, sunny and peaceful morning in Alphys' lab down in Hotland, the poor lizard girl was sleeping peacefully in her bed with Mettaton...when all of a sudden, the bedside telephone rang loudly and woke both of them up with a fright!

"Um...hello? Who IS it?" Alphys asked over the phone.

"Here, let ME answer it!" Mettaton requested as Alphys handed the phone over to him.

"Hey there, Napstablook, what's up?" Mettaton asked Napstablook cheerfully while Alphys went into the kitchen area and poured herself her favorite Weeab-O's cereal.

"Um...hey there, Mettaton...I just wanted to ask you if I could, like...come over or something..." Napstablook (who now had a robotic body) sniffled and sobbed shyly over the phone.

"Aw, you poor little thing, of COURSE you can come over!" Mettaton giggled. "Where you at?"

"Standing...right...at the front door..." Napstablook sighed dejectedly, hanging up.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Mettaton groaned, walking over to the front door and opening it for him as he pathetically moped his way inside.

"So, Napstablook, I know you don't like to talk much, but...what do you have on your MP3 player for us to listen to?" Mettaton asked Napstablook, showing him around.

"Why, it's all...just a bunch of...cheesy old...Linkin Park songs...from the mid...2000s..." Napstablook sighed, hanging his head in emotacular shame.

"Alright, THAT'S it, I'm outta here!" Alphys cringed, pouring her cereal down the garbage disposal drain and bolting out the door on an important mission to Asgore's castle.

"Wow...I take it...someone...really hates...punk emo gothic...music...that went out of style...back in like...2012 or some shit..." Napstablook sighed, brushing the tears from his eyes.

"Can you really blame her, Blooky?" Mettaton shrugged, grabbing Napstablook by the hand and dragging him over to Alphys' secret elevator, which was disguised as a personal bathroom, and ordered it to go straight down into Alphys' True Laboratory.

"What...what IS all this...hold me, Mettaton...I'm so scared..." Napstablook sighed as Mettaton cradled him in his arms and stepped out of the elevator into a place that strongly resembled the dark, grimy catacombs of hell itself...only converted into a hospital level.

"Napstablook, am I really going to have to hold your hand again?" Mettaton scolded him.

"Okay, okay, okay...I guess I'll just...try to man...up a little..." Napstablook sighed as he reluctantly followed Mettaton through the dirty, dank, slimy hallways; as the two of them walked, wall-mounted data log screens lit up with a faint digital glow and illuminated the dark reaches of the place with their strongly 4chan-reminiscient green text.

"For your own mental safety, I think it'd probably be best NOT to read what's in these logs." Mettaton explained.

"But...I want to know...the real reason...why this place...is LIKE this..." Napstablook sobbed, burying his head in his hands and weeping gently.

"Trust me, you DON'T!" Mettaton laughed, slapping Napstablook on the back as the two of them reached the main lobby of the area, where they met by far the scariest things that Mettaton, let alone Napstablook, had ever seen in his entire life: the Amalgamates.

For starters, we had Snowy, which was basically Snowdrake's mother (only with her crest having mutated into a living stick-figure body) with the hungry mouths of two equally creepy-looking Vegetoids replacing her eyes; just to put the icing on the cake, half of her entire body was literally threatening to melt itself right off of the other side.

And then there was Endogeny, which was...a rather intimidatingly massive white dog with who-knows-how-many slimy, freakishly long tentacle-legs as well as an enormous, gaping, slime-oozing hole where its face should have been.

And then, of course, there was also Lemon Bread, which was...well, if its name was any indication, Lemon Bread was the slug-like body of Shyren's sister, only with an unnervingly gigantic mouth possessing slimy, black, moldy teeth, as well as piercing angry eyes that looked more than suspiciously similar to the end part of Aaron's tail.

Not to mention Memoryhead, which was...well, judging by its appearance, it was pretty much just a bunch of human skulls melted together, with freaking slime tentacles coming out of its many-eyed face for good measure. No one really knew exactly how this bizarre, unknown thing formed or why, but what Alphys did know was that it was incredibly weird and creepy.

And of course, how could we forget Reaper Bird, who appeared to be an Astigmatism's sideways head floating on top of a terrifyingly long detachable neck, with deformed pieces of Final Froggits for wings, as well what seemed to be an unusually long and stretched-out pair of Whimsalot legs.

"UWAHHH!" Napstablook screamed, jumping into Mettaton's arms like a frightened puppy. "IT'S TOO FREAKING SCARY! HOLD ME, METTATON, HOLD ME!"

"Chill out, Blooky!" Mettaton laughed, patting Napstablook on the head. "Trust me; despite their grotesquely horrifying appearances, these things are completely and utterly harmless!"

"REALLY?" Napstablook squeaked with twinkly eyes, poofing out his lip adorably.

"YES, REALLY!" Mettaton yelled at him frustratedly, setting him back down onto the floor.

"Alright, now who's ready to have some FUN down here?" Lemon Bread growled. 

"OOH, ME! ME! NO, ME! NO, HER! NO, ME!" Snowy's Vegetoid mouths cheered as Snowy raised her right stick-figure hand, causing the left side of her body to collapse into a puddle and hastily reform itself as Endogeny sucked the entire load of dog food out of its bowl.

"Endogeny, how RUDE!" Reaper Bird scolded Endogeny, pecking at Endogeny's pointy little dog ears with its beak and throwing a ball of sludge across the room with its wing. "GO FETCH!"

"Oh, believe me, I am definitely going to make you piggies SQUEAL!" Memoryhead laughed, extending out a multitude of long, glistening, slimy tentacles from its face.

"Um...don't you think...maybe we should...I dunno...like, get out of here...or something?!" Napstablook stammered nervously, wetting his crotch plate in a fit of panic.

"Nah, let's just TRASH the place!" Mettaton laughed mischievously, pulling a large supply of place-trashing materials out of the closet while Endogeny licked up Napstablook's piss puddle.

"Oh, the indignity..." Napstablook cried, crossing his hands over his crotch and blushing in humiliation while the Amalgamates laughed at him, blowing their nasty breath all over him.

"Oh...I don't feel...so good...BLEEEAUGH!" Napstablook retched, vomiting out a nice big pile of black sticky tar and averting his eyes in disgust as Reaper Bird nibbled it off of the floor and then puked approximately half of it up into each of Snowy's hungry little Vegetoid mouths.

Meanwhile, in Asgore's castle...there Alphys was, kneeling at the throne, diligently worshipping the king's massive feet as he smugly flipped through the latest issue of Monsters Magazine.

"Oh yeah...come on...don't be shy...go ahead and suck on these fluffy white toes...I don't mind..." Asgore moaned with pleasure as Alphys licked and massaged his beautiful goat soles.

"Uh...I'm t-totally not d-doing this for fetishistic r-reasons, I s-swear!" Alphys stammered embarrassedly, briefly removing Asgore's plump juicy toes from her mouth to speak.

"Could you honestly be any more obviously lying right now, even if you tried?" Asgore asked her, wiggling his toes as Alphys licked his spongy pads and kissed the balls of his feet lovingly.

"W-well, no..." Alphys blushed, wiping the spit off of his feet with the bottom corners of her lab coat while Asgore laughed from the resulting ticklish sensation in his feet.

"Oh my...y-you're ticklish?! H-how ADORABLE!" Alphys blushed rosy-red and giggled as she pulled out her feather chainsaw and went straight to work; from that point onward, Asgore's booming cries of laughter could clearly be heard for miles around.

By the time Alphys was finished, Asgore had literally run out of breath and passed out from how hard she had made him laugh.

"YOINK!" Alphys whispered, grabbing Asgore's complimentary five-dollar bill off of the floor, pocketing it and bolting out of there before Asgore could wake up and hug her.

But alas, right when she was about to slip out of the room unnoticed, Asgore suddenly recovered and woke up with a big dopey smile on his face.

"Aw, c'mere, little buddy! How about a nice warm goat hug for old time's sake?" Asgore asked her lovingly, approaching her intently with his arms outstretched in the classic "hug" position.

"No no no, please don't hug me, PLEASE DON'T- MMMPH!" Alphys winced in pain as Asgore scooped her up into his hulking, muscular arms and hugged her so tightly that her eyes literally bugged out.

"I...APPRECIATE YOUR...PATRONAGE..." Alphys gasped and wheezed, her bones crunching and snapping as her face turned blue from being unable to breathe.

Meanwhile, back in the True Lab...Mettaton, Napstablook and the Amalgamates were hard at work, if being a bunch of total idiots can be classified as work.

"Say, where did all of this dirt on the floor come from?" Mettaton asked Napstablook as the two of them headed over into the closet while the Amalgamates had a sludgeball fight in the bedroom.

"I call it my...dirt jar..." Napstablook smiled as he grabbed the empty jar off of the floor and showed Mettaton the label sticker right on the front of it that clearly said DIRT.

"Oh, man...I feel like such an IDIOT now!" Mettaton laughed, facepalming himself as the two of them then proceeded to cover themselves in buckets of paint and roll around on the floor.

"MAYDAY! MAYDAY!" Endogeny's fellow Amalgamates screamed as it shot a multitude of snowballs from its mouth at such incredible velocity that it left gaping holes in the walls.

Meanwhile, at that exact moment, Alphys arrived back home at her Lab, entering through the front door as always. Everything looked normal, except that there was...

"Nobody here?" Alphys wondered, casting a rather suspicious glance toward her "bathroom".

"Hey, WAIT a minute..." Alphys whispered as she reluctantly tiptoed toward the door to her elevator, walked inside, and went down into the True Lab, where the party was still going strong.

"Sigh...what'd they do to this place this time..." Alphys sighed as he took a brief look at the room around her. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF-"

"UGH, I KNEW IT!" Alphys groaned, facepalming herself angrily. "THEY GOT DIRT EVERYWHERE...AND THEN THEY SPRINKLED DOLLAR-STORE GLITTER ON TOP OF IT!"

"Well...at least I'm home!" Alphys shrugged, reluctantly pressing forward into the hallway. "I can follow my intellectual pursuits!" she said, right before slipping on a banana peel and falling flat on her face. As she got back up onto her feet and continued walking (leaving a trail of paint footprints behind her), she was shocked by what she saw.

"MY DATA LOG SCREENS! COVERED IN GREENTEXTS!" Alphys growled. "Oh, wait, they're already normally like that, aren't they...still, though, MY WALLS! GRAFFITIED WITH DICKS!"

As she entered the main lobby, however, that was when shit really started to hit the fan (perhaps even literally, now that I think about it).

"MY COLLECTION OF RARE, LIMITED-EDITION MEW MEW DVDS! VIOLATED!" Alphys screamed, clutching her head to try to suppress her burning anger as she saw the evil facial hair and devil horns scribbled onto her DVD covers with permanent marker.

"Come on, what else is there to see? WHAT ELSE?" Alphys sobbed, sniffling a little and switching back into full-on rage mode when she saw the next atrocity lying in wait for her.

"MY AMALGAMATE DROPPINGS! PAINTED LIKE EASTER EGGS!" Alphys gasped, turning around and finding the source where all of the godawful emo music was coming from.

"AND WORST OF ALL...THE FUCKING RADIO! BLARING LINKIN PARK MUSIC ACROSS THE ENTIRE INTERCOM SYSTEM AT FULL GODFORSAKEN VOLUME!" Alphys screamed with rage, yanking the disc out of the radio and throwing it across the room like a Frisbee.

"HUAAAAAAAAAAGH! YOU FREAKING IDIOTS!" Alphys shrieked furiously, storming into the sludge-spattered bedroom and pinning Mettaton and Napstablook firmly up against the wall.

"YOUUUUUU!" Alphys growled lividly, pointing her (middle) finger at them assertively.

"BOTH of YOUUUUUU!" she continued, jabbing said finger into their eyes for added effect.

Suddenly, Alphys' anger reached a level so unfathomably high that several key nerve endings in her brain popped, causing her face to eerily contort into just about the creepiest smile ever.

"OHH, WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO YOUU..." Alphys moaned with sick, twisted pleasure as she fantasized about doing some truly unspeakable, horrible and traumatizing things to them.

"I'M SO ANGRY!" she boasted with a terrifyingly huge smile on her face as literally every single vein in her body pulsated with pure self-contained rage.

"FIRST...I'M GONNA TEAR YOUR VOCAL CORDS OUT." Alphys chuckled grimly, clenching her clawed hands into fists and biting her lip as her palms started to bleed.

"AND THEN...I'M GONNA...SAW YOUR LIMBS OFF..." Alphys continued, grinding her teeth together for added sawing effect as Mettaton and Napstablook trembled in fear. 

"YEAH...THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO..." Alphys whispered to herself, still grinning from ear to ear as she literally daydreamed about the dreadful things she was planning to do to them.

"We don't like this, Alphys!" Napstablook cried and sobbed as him and Mettaton hugged each other tightly, shaking in absolute terror at the thought of what she was going to do to them.

"Yeah, you're scaring the living DAYLIGHTS out of us!" Mettaton whimpered, trying not to wet myself as a conspicuously large amount of urine trickled down Napstablook's leg onto the floor.

"GOOD, YOU SCARED, HUH? NEXT...I'M GONNA...RIP YOUR EYES OUT OF THE SOCKETS!" Alphys laughed psychotically, making the overexaggerated motion of doing so for added effect.

"NO, PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T CUT MY LEGS OFF, I'M BEGGING YOU!" Mettaton collapsed onto the floor, grabbed Alphys' ankles and begged like a dog.

"I CAN'T CRY LIKE A BITCH WITHOUT MY EYES!" Napstablook cried like a bitch.

"AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT ELSE? I'M GONNA KICK YA...AND YOU'RE GONNA FALL." Alphys chuckled, kicking Mettaton square in the face...just for kicks.

"AND I'M GONNA LOOK DOWN...AND I'M GONNA LAUGH AS I UNBUTTON MY LAB COAT AND EMPTY OUT MY BLADDER ALL OVER YOUR PATHETIC, SORRY ASSES!" Alphys laughed.

"BUT FIRST...FIRRRRRRST...I gotta take a WHIZ!" Alphys snickered.

"Don't you GO anywhere! You stay right here...RIGHT on this SPOT! I'll be BACK!" Alphys laughed as she headed off to the bathroom...only to suddenly notice Mettaton's highly extravagant, heavily decorated laptop lying in the middle of the bedroom!

"What's THIS stupid thing?" Alphys stopped in her tracks and asked them, pointing at it.

"Oh, that's just my customized Windows 8000 laptop! Not only can it play Bejeweled, but it is also LITERALLY bejeweled!" Mettaton laughed while Alphys was distracted by its shininess. 

"But can it play Undertale?" Alphys asked him.

"Oh, you bet your fat weeaboo ASS it can!" Mettaton laughed. "In fact, me and Napstablook here are STILL trying to figure out how to beat Sans in the Genocide Run! What fun THAT is!"

"HMM...so...ya LIKE this game?" Alphys chuckled.

"Sigh...yes..." Napstablook groaned, hanging his head in shame.

"Do you REALLY like it?" Alphys asked the two of them sassily, glaring at them smugly.

"It's our favorite game in the WHOLE world!" Mettaton cheered happily, hugging Napstablook.

"Ah, so you like the GAME, huh? WELL...HOW DO YOU LIKE...THIS!" Alphys laughed as she unbuttoned her lab coat, whipped her (censored) dick out and let it spray like a hose all over Mettaton's laptop, which just so happened to be both hooked up to the wall AND also incredibly overcharged.

"TEE HEE HEE! HEH HEH HEH! EHEHEHEHE!" Alphys laughed as the electrical current began to rustle her jimmies.

A few involuntary flickers of the lights later, the entire True Lab exploded from electrical current overload, and everyone in it predictably went straight to hell just to top it off!

"You whizzed on Mettaton's laptop, didn't you?" Chara snickered, pointing at Alphys smugly.

"DON'T! WHIZ! ON! METTATON'S LAPTOP!" Mettaton and Napstablook sang as the episode finally came to its eternal close.

EPISODE 2 END


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

"ON WITH THE SHOW!" Mettaton laughed, clapping his hands robotically as the audience began to develop legitimately serious concern for Alphys' mental health.

EPISODE 3: METTATON'S INVENTION

One bright sunny morning in Alphys' and Undyne's unnecessarily two-story house, Alphys woke up to find herself alone in her bed...which, for her, was a rather rare occurrence for reasons I shouldn't have to explain.

"Undyne? UNNNDYNE? WHERE ARRRE YOUUU?" Alphys cupped her hands together into a tube shape and called out for her.

"Undyne? YOO-HOO? Where you AT, homie?" Alphys continued calling out as she slid down the staircase onto the first floor and entered the kitchen.

"UNDYNE! There you are!" Alphys yelled as she went out the front door and finally found Undyne sitting in a chair outside on the front porch, holding some kind of mysterious box.

"Hey, what's in that little cardboard box you got there, if you don't mind me asking?" Alphys asked Undyne, drooling at the mouth and shaking with excitement at the thought of what it might be.

(Yes, a lot of Alphys' acting deliveries were actually unscripted, just in case you were wondering.)

"Jesus Christ on a bicycle, would you PLEASE chill the fuck OUT?!" Undyne snapped at her.

"Yes..." Alphys sighed, hanging her head in shame.

"Anyway, I've noticed that you've been a little bit on the grumpy side recently, don't you think?" Undyne pointed out, flicking her pudgy little snout.

"I am NOT grumpy!" Alphys growled, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning.

"Oh, come on, Alphie, lighten up!" Undyne urged her, petting her on the head and watching as she bounced up and down like an adorable grumpy little teddy bear.

"It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming...honestly, on days like this, I think girls like you ought to be-" Undyne began.

"Burning in hell, yeah, yeah, I get it, you don't have to freaking remind me!" Alphys shrugged.

"Actually, I was ABOUT to say something more closely along the lines of running around and playing with the adorable little butterflies...but I suppose that works too!" Undyne laughed, opening up the box and pulling a rather odd-looking futuristic helmet out of it.

"What the hell is THAT thing?!" Alphys sneered.

"Mettaton made it for you, so if you don't MIND, I would suggest being a little more POLITE!" Undyne laughed as she lifted the device up and slammed it onto Alphys' head.

"So...are you beginning to notice the effects yet?" Undyne asked her with a devious smirk.

"MUST...DO...NICE...THINGS...FOR UNDYNE!" Alphys screamed in pain as her body contorted into all kinds of weird and grotesque poses, with her smiling from ear to ear in every single one.

"Oh, boy, this is gonna be SO much fun..." Undyne chuckled, rubbing her hands together and darting her eyes from side to side as Alphys became completely brainwashed by the device.

"HAPPY...HELMET...WON'T...COME...OFF!" Alphys laughed, attempting to pry it off of her head with a crowbar...but sadly to no avail. (Or should I say happily?)

IN THE GARAGE...

"SEE HOW I LOVE TO CLEAN...FILTHY FISH TANKS!" Alphys growled insanely as she inserted a ladle into Undyne's (pet-sized) fish tank and fished out a huge scoop of Undyne's poop.

"HA HA HA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!" Alphys laughed wildly as she held the scoop out in front of her face and then poured it back out into the fish tank.

"UWA HA HA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! OHH HO HO HOO! HUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Alphys continued laughing wildly as she listened intently to the loud PLOP of Undyne's feces hitting the surface of the water, then scooped it back up into her ladle and sniffed it.

"AHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAH!" Alphys fell over onto the floor laughing as her poor nose began to bleed from how dreadfully awful Undyne's fecal matter smelled.

IN THE KITCHEN...

"GIVE US VORE! GIVE US VORE! GIVE US VORE!" the entire filming crew of Mettaton's news broadcasting channel gathered around Alphys and Undyne in a circle and chanted.

"Alphys, are you SURE you're going to be alright?" Undyne asked Alphys, who had recently shrunk herself to a very small size with her own shrink gun and was basically a mouse now.

"I was BORN ready for this!" Alphys laughed as Undyne lifted Alphys up by the tail and reluctantly inserted her into her mouth.

"My, my, what unexpectedly flat TEETH you have all of a sudden!" Alphys complimented Undyne, sitting atop her tongue and smiling for the camera that had somehow been installed inside Undyne's surprisingly clean mouth.

"The better to, uh...not KILL you with, my dear?" Undyne stammered nervously as she slowly, fearfully opened up her jaws and then struggled internally to close them back together again.

"YAY! I'M SO STRONG! TEE HEE HEE!" Alphys giggled, wrapping her hands and feet around Undyne's teeth and gleefully pushing the jaws away from each other.

"Wow, that poor girl looks like she's really STRUGGLING in there!" an anonymous film crew member gasped in shock.

"Are you fricking JOKING? That crazy little bitch looks like she's literally on cloud NINE right now!" another anonymous film crew member laughed at him.

"Now THIS is what I call GRINDING...OHH..." Alphys moaned as the gently weeping Undyne grinded her inbetween her two massive rows of teeth, showing how resilient Alphys really was.

"Looks like this girl is one tough COOKIE!" yet another anonymous news reporter chuckled as Alphys crawled up onto the roof of Undyne's mouth and held on tightly.

"OHH, MOMMA..." Alphys moaned as Undyne's tongue stroked her entire body repeatedly and thoroughly, soaking her in dripping, gooey saliva.

"Sweet jumping Jesus, looks like this little shrimp is far too BIG for Undyne to swallow! I suppose this is where my nasty habit of MILKING the corporate cow just might end up coming in handy!" Mettaton (box form) announced sassily over the television news broadcast as Undyne was handed a tall glass of milk, proving that this entire thing was scripted all along.

"I'll miss you, dear friend..." Undyne sobbed intensely as she slowly tilted the glass forward into her wide-open mouth, giving Alphys ample time to leap up and grab onto her dangling uvula as an enormous rushing wave of milk poured into Undyne's mouth.

"What's THIS, folks?! Ooh, it looks like that dastardly mouse is still alive! What will it do next? OH, DEAR LORD, WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY DO NEXT?!" Mettaton overdramatically gasped.

"TEETH to the left of me...a freaking TONGUE piercing to the RIGHT of me! I TELL YOU, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I AM GOING...COCOA FOR COCOA PUFFS!" Alphys laughed dementedly, having a wild spastic seizure inside of Undyne's mouth before finally returning to her senses and tickling Undyne's soft palate with her claws.

"HIC...HURK...HUEEEGGGHHH!" Undyne heaved, belching Alphys out onto the ground as the poor lizard girl finally grew back to her normal size for completely unexplained reasons.

"Well, that's a wrap, folks!" Mettaton laughed and clapped his hands sarcastically as all of the news reporters left the house, leaving Alphys and Undyne alone in their boring house yet again.

"You're a kinky bitch, you know that?" Undyne told Alphys, shuddering a little.

"Doesn't that mean I have my hair tied up in adorable little ribbons? YAY!" Alphys squeaked, causing Undyne to go AWW while also facepalming herself at the same time.

FINALLY, ONE WEEK LATER, AT THE LOCAL CONCERT THEATRE...

"Greetings, everybody!" Undyne greeted the audience as her and Alphys waltzed into their seats and waited eagerly for their new music video that they had created themselves to begin.

"Greetings, everybody, the name's Papyrus, and I've got a nice little song that I believe will suit this music video perfectly!" Papyrus, who was (of course) the guy handling the movie player, announced through his microphone as he promptly began singing his favorite song.

"This is a song about a deranged yellow psychopath. NO! This is a song about Alphys!" Papyrus redundantly corrected himself as the play's first appearance on the big screen began.

"At some point in your life, you may find that there is someone you end up loving more than anyone else." Papyrus explained as Alphys hopped up and down like an adorable little baby bunny rabbit and showered Undyne with heaping handfuls of bright, colorful flowers.

"But remember, boys and girls, there is NOTHING in this entire blasted UNIVERSE that can EVER replace the immense joy that a nice, warm, freshly cooked plate of Papyrus' masterfully designed SPAGHETTI can bring to you!" Papyrus boasted as Alphys and Undyne sat together at a candlelit dinner table and tied two threads of pasta together into a knot between their mouths...and then accidentally spat it out all over each other's faces due to how awful it tasted.

"Nothing, that is...except for INSANITY!" Papyrus laughed as the real, living Amalgamates suddenly shambled out onto the stage, causing at least a quarter of the audience to run out of the theatre screaming at the tops of their lungs.

"ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO!" Papyrus sang as Alphys rode Endogeny like a horse, grabbing a strand of determination from its body, using it as a lasso and yelling YEE-HAW while doing so.

"ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHOPATH!" Papyrus continued singing as Alphys ran around her lab, injecting determination into everything in sight.

"Did you ever see something so utterly horrifying that you just couldn't muster up the courage to tell anyone about it?" Papyrus asked as Alphys scrambled her way up a massive, towering pile of mail envelopes before finally losing her balance and crashing down onto the floor, cracking an awkward "OOPS" smile with Undyne and the Amalgamates glaring angrily at her.

"Isn't it funny, a lizard marrying a fish?" Papyrus laughed as Alphys and Undyne snuggled together adorably in their bed, with Alphys' traumatizing memories still haunting her.

"And isn't it even funnier when that exact same lizard literally NEVER tells ANYONE the truth?" Papyrus laughed as Alphys threw together a giant Hotland-themed puppet show in which she literally pulled Mettaton's and Frisk's strings to make the two of them do her bidding.

"I mean, come on, it's obviously the truth! Why didn't you tell me? WHY DIDN'T YOU FREAKING TELL ME?!" Papyrus yelled as Undyne grabbed Alphys and threw her into the trash can, which the Amalgamates then dutifully carried off.

"ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO!" Papyrus sang as Alphys and Undyne engaged in sexual intercourse with the Amalgamates, which was censored from the live version but would later appear in the Director's Cut.

"ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHOPATH!" Papyrus concluded as Alphys sprinkled dog food all over herself and was eaten alive by her own pets.

"Um...Undyne?" Alphys asked Undyne, tapping her on the shoulder.

"What is it, my dear?" Undyne asked her.

"Can I have some brain bleach, please?" Alphys sighed.

EPISODE 3 END


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: THE FINAL SHORT!" Mettaton laughed as the last episode began playing at long last.

EPISODE 4: SPACE MADNESS

"Entry #42: Greetings, Earthlings. From the looks of things, it would seem that Undyne and I have been trapped on this godforsaken ship in outer space for at least 100 years now. Over the years, we...honestly haven't discovered anything. I honestly wish I could just die, but that sadly wasn't written into the script, now was it?" Alphys monologued with her mind; both her and Undyne had their brains hooked up to the ship's supercomputer system with space tubes.

"Entry #43: Still, it seems like we've somehow managed to remain about the exact same age over the years...which seems impossible, but I mean, hey, I'm a freaking fish, what do I know?" Undyne monologued through her own mind as the two of them just sat there...

and sat there...alone, mind you...

and sat there, until a digital bell eventually rang inside the ship, signaling that it was time for lunch as Alphys and Undyne hastily ran into the ship's dining room.

"Oh goodie, spinach-stuffed meatloaf from Planet X, my FAVORITE!" Alphys groaned as Undyne dug right into her alien-slime Jello and eyeball pudding with glee.

"At this point, I'm surprised I haven't already forgotten what meat even TASTES like..." Undyne sighed, briefly envisioning Alphys as a scrumptious chicken drumstick.

"Um, Undyne...why are you drooling over me?" Alphys asked.

"Same reason YOU'VE been drooling over ME, sucker!" Undyne laughed as the two of them flew all over the place and chased each other all around the room, trying to eat each other.

"Ah, screw it, there's no point in even TRYING anymore..." Undyne sighed, leaning her hand into her palms in compntemplative boredom as she resumed her work on the ship's supercomputer.

Meanwhile, Alphys was starting to go a bit off the deep end yet again as she took off her space suit and was left wearing only her bra and underwear.

"Give me a nice warm bath, please!" Alphys commanded the ship, which then provided her with a large, floating, rectangular cube of water (this WAS outer space, after all) to bathe in.

"Oh, how I wish that this water could also wash away my horrible, dreadful sins in addition to all of the built-up physical filth covering my skin right now..." Alphys sighed as a loose DVD copy of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 suddenly floated into her hands.

"Oh, hello, Mr. Senpaice Cream Bar! How's it going?" Alphys grabbed the DVD case and asked it, imagining that it was literally a living ice cream bar, in the shape of one of her favorite anime boys, speaking to her.

"Huh? How's my life been? Oh, you know, not too exciting, apart from me accidentally melting innocent people together into the horrific eldritch spawn of Cthulhu and dancing to the Mew Mew Kissy Cutie theme song in my underwear and making out with my body pillow of Undyne because I'm too pathetic to just make out with the real thing and decorating my vagina with lipstick and planting spy cameras in Toriel's shower and crossdressing as Cloud Strife and-"

ONE FULL MINUTE LATER...

"-and probably being on a crash collision course with the Sun right about now, so you know, THAT'S always good to hear, RIGHT?!" Alphys finally finished as Undyne banged her head against her computer desk in frustration.

"Oh, how I long for the taste of good old-fashioned Earth food..." Alphys sighed, beginning to visualize and remember what her favorite foods looked like with the help of the ship's holographic image processor.

"Oh, PAD THAI...STIR FRY...FRIED RICE...INSTANT NOODLES...RICE CAKES...A GLAZED DOUGHNUT..." Alphys moaned, drooling at the mouth as the ship displayed each food to her.

"OH, how the mighty have fallen..." Alphys sighed. "But not you and me, pal! We'll be together forever and ever and EVER! (kiss, smooch)"

"Some people think I'm...well...a bit on the CRAZY side. But in truth, it is not I who am crazy; it is I who am MAD!" Alphys laughed, holding the DVD case with her feet as Undyne's eye began to twitch nervously.

"OH, my beloved Senpaice Cream Bar...how I love to lick your dreamy center!" Alphys moaned with delight as she passionately licked the DVD set of her absolute least favorite movie.

"OH, you're so delightfully handsome I could just gobble you right up...NOMMM!" Alphys moaned as she opened her mouth as wide as it could possibly go in a comically overexaggerated fashion and bit the entire top-left corner off of her DVD case.

"NOMMM!" Alphys made the exact same ridiculous sound effect and mouth motion yet again as she then proceeded to also bite the entire top-right corner off of her DVD case, then chewed up both of the combined corner pieces in her mouth and swallowed them.

"Now, now, we've all heard of people being relationship-compatible with each other before, but you and me, pal...we're GOLDEN! You even like the exact same shit I do! Anime, alcohol, junk food, karaoke, drugs, bad hygiene...we're no longer hitchhiking, pal, we're RIDING!" Alphys laughed manically as blood began to drip from her mouth.

"Um, Alphys, I'm starting to think that your current obsession with that thing JUST MIGHT be a LITTLE bit excessive and unhealthy, don't you think?" Undyne warned her frightenedly.

"WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU?! I'VE HAD THIS SENPAICE CREAM BAR EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD! STUPID, CRAZY PEOPLE! ALWAYS TRYING TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME! WHY WON'T THEY LEAVE ME...ALONNNE!" Alphys screamed in pent-up rage, shattering her bath cube into a million tiny water particle fragments as Undyne tackled her onto the ground.

"Alphys, you need to lay off that goddamned space weed RIGHT NOW!" Undyne yelled at her angrily.

"BACK OFF, MAN!" Alphys growled at her, backing up against the wall and grabbing a feather duster. "DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS FRICKIN' THING!"

"Come on, what in the hell are you EVER going to do to ME with a freaking FEATHER DUSTER?" Undyne laughed, slowly advancing toward Alphys.

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! YOU'VE! FORCED ME TO USE IT!" Alphys yelled overdramatically at Undyne, taking the feather duster and ramming it up her own vagina...then pulling it out.

"IT'S FUCKING CRUSTY NOW! THAT'S MY ATTACK!" Alphys laughed maniacally as Undyne lunged forward and tackled her onto the ground for real this time.

"M-MERCY..." Alphys coughed and choked as she finally gave in and passed out.

"Huh? Where...where AM I?" Alphys asked Undyne, waking up dizzily in yet another room full of computers, blinky flashy lights, and not much else.

"We are now in the ship's central hull chamber." Undyne explained. "Now let's see what this big red shiny button here does-"

"DON'T TOUCH IT! IT'S THE HISTORY ERASER BUTTON, YOU FOOL!" Alphys yelled at her, smacking her hand away and showing her the label on it. "CAN'T YOU FREAKING READ?!"

"Well...not very well..." Undyne shrugged, blushing a little. "Well, what if I just wanna see what happens when I press it?"

"EXACTLY!" Alphys shrugged. "Who KNOWS what'll happen if we push that damned thing?! Maybe something BAD, MAAAYBE something GOOD! I guess we'll never KNOW!"

All of a sudden, at that exact moment, Danny DeVito appeared out of nowhere and began narrating Undyne's incredibly bizarre predicament!

"And now we have Undyne the FEESH lady, being thoroughly persuaded by Alphys the TREAAASH lizard not to press that filthy, stinking red button!" Danny announced.

"But that's not what you Undertale TREEEASH folks REALLY came here for, is it? No, you just wanted to see Alphys and Undyne FUCK each other, didn't cha?" Danny snickered.

"Well, NOT TODAY, folks! Now it looks like we're gonna have to answer one last final BURNING question that burns like my shit after I eat a shit-ton o' hot sauce on my drumsticks: WILL?! UNDYNE?! BE ABLE?! TO RESIST?!" Danny yelled at the top of his lungs, wiping the sweat off of his forehead with a handkerchief.

"Can Undyne FIGHT back the irresistable, magical allure of the glistening, bright red button? The jelly, DONUT-LIKE button? Will she hold out, folks? CAN she hold out?! WILL SHE?!" Danny yelled overdramatically at the top of his aching lungs as Undyne finally snapped.

"NO, I CAN'T!" Undyne screamed at the top of her lungs, attempting to slam her finger straight down onto the button...but thankfully, Alphys and Danny somehow managed to catch it at the last split-second!

Meanwhile, while that craziness was going on, Sans and Chara were duking it out in one last epic final clash situated right in the eye of a fiery supernova whirlwind storm in outer space...and were now flying directly toward each other at light-speed, preparing themselves for the final blow!

"WATASHI WA SHINEN...SHINENNNZUUU!!! (I WILL NOT DIE...NORRR WILL MY DREAAAM!)" Sans screamed in Japanese at the top of his nonexistent lungs in a fit of pure blind rage, summoning his Gaster Blasters and firing a shitstorm of laser beams at Chara.

"DETERMINATION...PUNNNCH!" Chara yelled valiantly at the top of his lungs as he pulled his fist back and unleashed a devastatingly powerful punch right into Sans' bony little face.

"DANNY, HANG ON!" Alphys begged Danny, who was already beginning to lose his grip on Undyne's arm.

"URRRAAAHHH!" Sans screamed in agony as his entire body disintegrated into dust, leaving Chara to simply drift away into the cold, dark silence of outer space with a sadistic grin on her face as the entire galaxy began to collapse from the inside.

At the exact moment that Undyne finally broke through Alphys' and Danny's restraints and pressed the History Eraser Button, the entire galaxy imploded in a dazzling, rainbow-colored flash of light, shooting an enormous laser beam across the entire universe!

Well, that was certainly something.

EPISODE 4 END


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

"Good-bye, everybody! I hope you all enjoyed the show, because I sure did!" Mettaton laughed as the entire crowd lifted him up and carried him out the door, where he then ordered a limo straight back to his house and spent the rest of the evening there, with everyone endlessly hooting on Alphys' Gmail about how fantastic the show's introduction was.

LATER THAT NIGHT...

"Here we are..." Alphys sighed as she sat on the edge of the bed that she shared with Mettaton (who was currently in his EX form), contemplating the meaning of her existence.

"My HANDS...DIRTY!" Alphys cringed as she looked down at her sweaty lizard palms and thought about all of the nasty things she had done as a person (mostly just the Amalgamates though.)

"THE DIRT WON'T COME OFF!" Alphys cried as she desperately rubbed her hands together to try to wash the metaphorical dirt and grime off of them...but to no avail.

"HAAAGH!" Alphys screamed in disgust, collapsing head-over-heels onto the bed.

"PRESIDENT...what a JOKE!" Alphys whispered to herself as she laid uncomfortably on the bed, with her head pressed deeply into her Holiday-Inn-class pillow.

"PRESIDENT...president of WHAT?! HIS fanclub!" Alphys gasped with sudden realization as she slowly turned her head and looked over at Mettaton's sleeping body with bloodshot eyes.

"HOW THEY LOVE HIM!" Alphys sighed, curling up into her hunchback defensive position and quivering underneath her pillow.

"LOOK AT HIM...LYING THERE ASLEEP! THE IDOL OF MILLIONS..." Alphys whispered, starting to become downright dangerously unhinged as she crawled over onto Mettaton's side of the bed like a slithering, murderous snake and looked straight into his sleeping eyes.

"HE'S A FOOL!" Alphys whispered in her best Gandalf-impression voice, cocking her eyebrows like a wizard for added effect.

"A BLIND...SILLY LITTLE FOOL..." Alphys laughed incredibly hypocritically as her brain began shifting into complete Psychopath Mode yet again.

"How easily I could end the farce...with THESE hands...THESE...DIRTY...HANDS!" Alphys sobbed, clenching her hands into angry fists of self-hatred.

"And with these hands, I hold the fate of MILLIONS!" Alphys whispered melodramatically, wiggling her fingers maliciously as progressively scarier thoughts began running through her mind.

"They think he's a GOD...BUT HE'S AS MORTAL AS WE...I KNOW!" Alphys rambled psychotically, struggling to hold herself together as she began to visualize a perfect dotted-line reference point with which to literally saw Mettaton's overinflated, egotistical head clean off.

"JUST...ONE...QUICK...TWIST! AND IT'S OVER...JUST...ONE..." Alphys whispered maliciously as she began to slowly creep towards Mettaton, with her hands clenched into menacing claws.

However, right when she was just about to finally get her revenge, something deep inside her brain went off and stopped her at the last second!

"HUAGGGH!" Alphys screamed in agonizing pain, clutching her head in a fit of sudden uncontrollable brain fever. "IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!"

"MY BRAIN! MY HOT...STINGING...BRAAAIN!" Alphys screamed in pain as her brain began to swell up so much that it almost literally caused her head to explode.

"HUAAAGGGGGGHHH! HUAAAGGGGGGHHH! HUAAAGGGGGGHHH!" Alphys screamed at the top of her lungs as if she was literally being tormented in the depths of hell.

"Anyway...that's how I officially GOT my acting license! What do you guys think about THAT?" Alphys asked the story's readers as she finally finished telling them all about it.

Needless to say, they were all literally speechless.

THE END


End file.
